


Daily life in Chaldea with Cu, Gil & Emiya

by annitrn



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: This is literally just crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 07:18:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17893934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annitrn/pseuds/annitrn





	1. FSN Trio Shenanigans

  * wow so talk about absolute terror here
  * if you thought anyone could control these 3 hotheads then  ** _think again_**  because the day they stop trying to kill each other the moment Gudako’s not looking is the day pigs fly
  * Say goodbye to peace and quiet because Chaldea doesn’t last 2 weeks - it goes up in flames
  * Nearly every day ends in bloodshed and complaints from other servants
  * Mash is #done and Romani is considering to switch his job, telling Gudako that he may be leading Chaldea but she was the one that summoned them so good luck staying alive but  _he’s outta there_
  * Gudako is probably losing a lot of years every day trying to keep these dickheads away from each other
  * _“Gentlemen, I know you’d be fabulous at killing each other but we have a world to save first, after we have finished this little task, you can murder each other to your hearts contents ok?!”_
  * Emiya has the hardest time holding back against Gil because a) to Gil, Emiya’s mere existence is a insult to his face so he always does his best to enrage him and b) Emiya just can’t stand the sight of him and even if he tries to avoid him Gil always manages to pop up before him
  * ~~it’s not easy being their Master~~
  * not that Gil would ever care, he’s probably thinking something along the lines like: _I came here to kill and I’m honestly having such a great time right now_
  * it’s so bad Emiya is actually contemplating teaming up with Cu just to get rid of Gil as he can just kill him after he has sent Gil’s pompous ass back to the Throne of Heroes
  * by the way, Cu greatly enjoys watching Gil and Emiya quarrel all the time, while waiting for his chance to end them when they’re both tired out
  * this goes on for weeks until Gudako finally loses her shit and just sends all of them flying
  * first, she stalks over to Emiya and Gil, completely ignorant of all the blades flying around, picks two of them up and presses them against  _two very sensitive body parts of theirs_
  * **_‘‘Keep fighting and I’m going to chop off these parts you’re going to miss dearly and feed them to Fou. And no, I’m not joking. You see this command spells over here? Don’t think I’m a tad afraid to use them on you!’_**
  * ~~thank god for command spells or else Gudako would’ve been dead by now~~
  * Gil is probably a little turned on by her confident yet reckless behaviour but that’s beside the point
  * then she just drags Cu, who’s been laughing his ass off behind the corner by his ear and threatens to hand-feed him some dog meat if he doesn’t stop lurking around 
  * and to make her point more than clear she swiftly kicks them in the nuts before any of them can even say a word, sending all 3 to the ground, and just leaves them lying there in a totally defenseless fetal position for the rest of the day
  * ~~i like ruthless Gudako~~
  * They all get punished sufficiently and a new rule saying ‘ _ **Killing time only between 4 and 7 pm and no Noble Phantasms inside Chaldea**_ ’ gets implemented




	2. Cu + Gil + Emiya going to the beach

  * A beach trip with these 3 troublemakers, well if that isn’t just the perfect recipe for the perfect disaster just why would you do that to yourself?
  * in  **theory**  it may have been a good and peaceful bonding experience but considering that all 3 of them are nothing but giant kids with weapons, that want nothing more but to send the other ones into their graves you’re ready to draw your pension after the trip
  * the car ride to the beach had already been unnerving enough with Gilgamesh hogging all the chips and the passenger seat while Emiya and Cu were trying to stab Gil (and each other) when you aren’t looking, nearly causing a traffic accident with their fights
  * _First Command Spell wasted on these idiots_
  * Gil and Cu both being an absolute fashion disaster would wear the ugliest bathing trunks you’ve ever seen which leads to the next fight when Emiya makes the lethal mistake to laugh at them
  * aaand there goes your peaceful beach trip that has never been peaceful from the beginning anyway
  * _~~…goodbye peaceful times you will be dearly missed~~_
  * _Second Command Spell wasted trying to keep them off each other’s throats_
  * but of course it doesn’t end there but only leads to the next fight when they engage in a surfing contest to see who can ride the waves higher longer and better
  * and soon one thing leads to another and they compete against each other in every water sport that is known, even if they absolutely suck at it you don’t even know whether to laugh or cry anymore when you watch them shooting at each other with water guns like the men children that they are
  * being the haughty idiot that he is, Gil would definitely refuse to apply any sunscreen on his skin and since he’d rather die than lose to Gil, Cu decides to go along which results in both of them looking like hot boiled lobsters after a few hours and lots of gloating laughter by an unaffected Emiya
  * _Third Command Seal wasted_
  * ~~Emiya you really have a death wish do you?~~
  * honestly, you’ve probably wasted a whole year’s supply of command spells at the end of the day trying to keep them off each other’s throats
  * but there have also been almost cute moments when Cu collected pretty shells and corals for you to craft them into a bracelet or when chief cook Emiya prepared a nice feast for you with freshly caught fish and sea food
  * and Gil? 
  * well he probably insulted you for bringing him along to such a primitive place but bought you the whole beach section right afterwards
  * Though you’ve hit some rough points it was still a fun experience and a memory you’d never forget
  * But going with them on any other trip again? 
  * O _nly over your cold dead body_




End file.
